for better or for worse // lucy & kitty

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for better or for worse // lucy & kitty

Post by lindarkness on Tue Feb 03, 2015 4:25 pm

To a stranger, the expression on her face and the way she held herself would have probably seemed perfectly content, and serene. Her lips were curved into a soft smile, that managed to be gentle and inviting all the same, as she looked at the other girl from the corner of her eye, and her posture was steady enough, any unnecessary fidgeting prevented by the way she kept her hands safely locked together at her back. 
But Kitty was no stranger, and Lucy was afraid that she would be able to see right through her facade, and spot the creeping fear behind it. 

"You.... you are beyond lovely, Kitty. Have I told you that recently?", she began, only wishing that the slight tremble in her voice had been nothing but a figment of her imagination, "I know that... you might have trouble seeing yourself that way, but... you just... you are as radiant as the sun. I appreciate every moment that we have spent together so far, and I hope you feel the same way"
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Re: for better or for worse // lucy & kitty

Post by thegirlnamedcrow on Tue Feb 03, 2015 5:31 pm

          That summer, it had become their habit to pass the long afternoons in the park near their old school.
          It wasn't as though they ever made specific plans to meet. No, it was more that, after spending the morning out in the world, playing footie with the local boys, jogging around the neighbourhood, or otherwise staying active (she was, as always, struggling with the sudden transition between daily Quidditch practise to months with her broom locked in the attic), it seemed to Kitty like a natural conclusion to the day to lounge beneath the trees, watching the light slowly fade from the sky. And if Lucy wanted to keep her company? Well, Kitty was hardly going to send her away. 
          It was during the summer that Kitty felt closest to her childhood friend. At school, there was class and Quidditch and any number of things to keep them busy. Here, though, Lucy was Kitty's only link to the world she was still having trouble calling her own. She couldn't talk about her experiences at Hogwarts with her family – it wasn't that they actively discouraged her, but they simply didn’t understand. They didn’t try to understand. They were content with their tiny world, and had no desire to expand the boundaries of their knowledge.
          They said nothing, but Kitty knew that her parents were happiest if she simply kept her mouth shut.
          Kitty was eternally grateful for the support of the Weasley family. Without them, the annual shifts between the magical and mundane worlds would have been all the more jarring, which was, in the end, the reason why Kitty found herself drawn so much more strongly to her old friend during their holidays. She and Lucy had grown into exceptionally different people during the past several years, and at school, their interactions were far less frequent and occasionally a bit awkward.
          Here, though, it was as though they were children again. She felt comfortable simply being with Lucy, because here they were both different. Citizens cast out from their native country, clinging to the slightest remembrance of home.
          And so she continued to return to the park.
          On this particular afternoon, Kitty had stopped for a bite to eat before making her way to the park. She had been positively famished after a particularly intense skirmish. Famished and exhausted, knees muddy and jersey streaked with dirt. 

          As a result, when the words first left her friend’s mouth, Kitty’s only possible response was to furrow her brow, pop a chip into her mouth, and stare inquisitively back at Lucy.
          Lovely was not the word she would have used. Triumphant, perhaps, or satisfied, but she was about as far from ladylike in that moment as she could get. 
          What was she on about?
          It was only several moments later, when she had thoroughly chewed and then swallowed her food, that she finally spoke. “Is this your way of saying you want a chip?” Kitty asked, raising an eyebrow. “Because you can just ask, you know. Here.”
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Re: for better or for worse // lucy & kitty

Post by lindarkness on Tue Feb 03, 2015 7:34 pm

Lucy did not dare look at her friend, for fear of giving away too much, for fear of seeming too desperate if she showed her eyes, for fear that what she would see there would not be what she was hoping for.
She knew that she was holding her breath, that she had tensed up inside, that the knot in her stomach was only growing larger and larger with each moment that she waited for an answer - any answer - but the girl just couldn't bring herself to let go for too much relied on this moment, and the way it would be received. In these long seconds, it was as though the world might shatter around her, and everything she had built in the last years might be destroyed with it, and her heartbeat doubled in its pace.
What if she was going to end up regretting these words for the rest of her life? What if she rejected her and things would never be the same between them ever again? Or worse - what if she would start hating her because of it, or think of her as lesser? What if she would be so appalled by the notion of her - another girl - expressing such feelings for her that she would never look at her the same way again?
Her throat seemed to have been cut short, and Lucy needed to close her eyes, and take a deep breath, just to be able to feel her feet on the ground again. It would do her no good right now. She needed to focus, if only to be able to take any kind of reaction she would get from Kitty in, and understand it

She needed to remind herself of why she was doing this in the first place. After all, it wasn't as though she was just going in blind, at the first sign of complex feelings, to confess them just for confession's sake. Her friend had never been someone you would have described as 'conservatively inclined' in any way, and Lucy, in the last few weeks, had been quite careful in watching her. No - had she not noticed any signs of Kitty possibly reciprocating her feelings, she would not have informed her of them.
It was only then that she heard Kitty reply, and the breath that Lucy let out then turned into a giggle - more out of a mixture of nervousness and relief than real amusement - as soon as she grasped the meaning of her words.
Of course, right when she was the least suited to properly put herself into words, Kitty would not get what she was actually trying to say to her. Strangely enough, her heart warmed at the thought, and when she looked at Kitty again for the first time since she had made her move, there was a small smile playing on her lips.
"No, silly, I don't want a chip", she teased, perhaps just to lighten her own mood, "I... mean what I'm saying, and, well, what I'm meaning to say is... well. You are.... Your eyes are... full of life and meaning and spark. You are as wonderful as you are gorgeous"
And that she was, truly. Kitty might not have cared about appearing particularly pretty, or feminine - but that was because she didn't need to. Underneath the simple clothing, the dirt and the rough movements was a kind of beauty that was so genuine, the girl could hardly take her eyes off of her. It fascinated her how someone could manage to be so... appealing without having any hint of pretense, or even effort laying in it.
Still, she didn't want to appear shallow in her intentions, and so, despite herself, she continued.
"I'm sorry, I... lost my track of thought there, didn't I? It's just... I feel like it's important that I tell you that I appreciate you very much. And I have a lot of good feelings about you, Kitty"
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Re: for better or for worse // lucy & kitty

Post by thegirlnamedcrow on Wed Feb 04, 2015 4:07 pm

          What in the hell was Lucy going on about?
          They had been friends for nearly a decade at this point; surely Lucy understood just how little stock Kitty put in personal appearance, particularly in her own. For Christ's sake, she was kitted out in a second-hand, filthy football jersey, had dirt smeared across her chin, and her hair was an absolute mess. Gorgeous was not the word she would have used to describe herself at that moment. At any moment, really.
          Kitty actually felt a bit uncomfortable with the praise. In a strange way, it made her feel as though Lucy were accusing her of falling into the same trap that so many other girls did, wasting their lives away reaching for some unrealistic standard of beauty just so that people will find them attractive.
          Still, Kitty thought that Lucy was being fully genuine in her praise, and so, not wanting to hurt her feelings, she said, “Thanks, Lu.” 

          Unable to stop herself, she added, “Are you feeling all right? You're acting strange.”
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Re: for better or for worse // lucy & kitty

Post by lindarkness on Wed Feb 04, 2015 5:02 pm

Despite herself, Lucy let another sign of her nervousness escape her, that had, since the first moment she saw the other girl, grown larger and larger. It was a laugh, shaky, with an edge of panic behind it. The longer it was going to take her to get her point across, the more she would fare danger of drawing out the moment, and making the whole affair out to be something unnatural to them.
She knew it was completely her fault, as well, that Kitty kept taking her words the wrong way. Whatever had gotten into her that she - one who usually knew exactly how to handle herself in front of others - would choose her words so clumsily, would act so awkwardly in the moment where it mattered the most?
Lucy knew that if she kept going down the route that she was currently on, she would lose the threat, she wouldn't be able to get her meaning to be understood, and eventually, she would chicken out, and decide to drop the topic - and she could not allow herself to do that.
For once in her life, she needed to be straightforward.

"I... I'm sorry, Kitty. I know my behaviour must seem... odd to you right now, but I promise you'll understand soon", she swallowed, "For better or for worse"
The girl allowed herself a moment to gather her thoughts, and to lay out her words in her head before she truly willed them into existence. Purposely, she forced herself to look away from her, as so she would not get distracted.
"You know... the summer is almost over, and before we both go back again, I have decided that I need to tell you something, something very important. And... I... I hope you keep an open mind for it. Please", she said, with a slight quiver in her voice, "It's just... for as long as I've known you... I mean... You are a very strong person, Kitty. I admire you for your passion, for your bravery, for your determination, for your iron will, and for your confidence. You are a good person. I admire you a lot. I adore you"
She bit her lip. If she wanted, she could have stopped right there then, accounted her speech to the general anxiety she had about returning to Hogwarts, and feeling sappy about the fact that they wouldn't be able to spend as much time together once they returned to school. But she had made up her mind. There was no going back.
"You ask me how I'm feeling, but... well, you'll see that is exactly the question... As long as we have been friends, I have always cared deeply about you. I still do. I value you as a person, as a friend, as a--" 
Quickly, she covered that last bit with a fake cough, though she cursed herself inwardly just as soon for that instinctive reaction. For Merlin's sake, she would gain nothing playing these games! She needed to get it out, and that meant being honest, even if her heartbeat was fluttering inside her chest like an injured bird, trying desperately to get her out of this situation. Courage was never her strong suit, but at this moment, she needed to gather as much of it as she could.
"In this past summer... I realized that my care for you extends beyond the bounds of friendship"
In a leap of faith, she turned to her friend again, gazing directly at her for the first time since she had started this conversation, her starved eyes looking at her with an intense reverence. And with that, she had shared with her an honesty that she had never given to her before.
"I have fallen for you", she whispered.
With gasping breaths, Lucy leaned forward just a little, her eyes never leaving hers as she slowly reached out and put her hands in hers. And though her fingers were shaking, and she could feel the cold of her own skin against Kitty's warmth, she still held her hand as softly as she could.
"I love you, Kitty"
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