my dear brother || gus & phoebe

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my dear brother || gus & phoebe

Post by thegirlnamedcrow on Fri Feb 06, 2015 4:50 pm

My dearest, darlingest Gustopher Terrencius Bonem-Prewetticus,

      It is with great pleasure that I write to inform you that your beloved youngest sister has become a woman. No, I’m not talking about menstruation – you got to hear all the lovely details about the day I achieved menarche years ago. No, I’m talking about sex

      That’s right! I finally did it! After all those years of Mum yammering on about waiting for the right bloke to come around and Dad threatening to clock anyone who dared defile his precious little girl, I finally just decided, enough is enough! Time to seize life by the horns and see what the world has to offer a pretty young thing like myself!

      I’m sure you’re just dying to know all the juicy details, but a lady doesn’t kiss and tell, dearest Gus. But I can tell that he’s a sixth year, that he’s a Quidditch player just like me, and that he was as new to the whole thing as I was. Oh, all right, I’ll just tell you! I can never keep a secret from you, Gus. It was Dawson – you know, Anthony Dawson, the Ravenclaw chaser with the chiseled jaw and the beautiful dark hair? I slept with him! Can you believe it? And all that rot he used to talk about getting off with Angelica Myers was just that – utter rot. I rather wish he had got off with her – perhaps he’d have had a better idea of what to do when I came around.

      The way it happened was that all the house teams got together for a sort of post-season piss-up. If I’m honest, it was an absolutely rotten party – nothing like the ones you used to throw, brother dearest. No, Hogwarts has been much less fun since you left. But that’s beside the point. We were all holed up together in one of the abandoned dungeon classrooms, and Luisa was driving me absolutely out of my mind prattling on about something or other I can’t even remember (poor, dear Luisa – she is so very sweet, and yet so incredibly dull), and I noticed Tony making eyes at me from across the room. He was being so obvious about it, I just had to call him over. You know how I love to watch boys squirm.

      Anyway, he came over to sit with us, and Luisa kept going on and on about whatever it was she was talking about (Should I feel bad for ignoring her so completely, Gus? Before you answer, keep in mind how utterly uninteresting this girl is – I don’t care that she’s my teammate, I’m allowed to think my teammates are uninteresting), and as I’m wont to do I started up a bit of footsie with him under the desk. Nothing too serious, but when Luisa left to get another drink (and wouldn’t you believe it, getting her drunk just makes her even less interesting than before), Tony asked if I’d like to go somewhere a bit more private with him, and of course I knew what that meant. Usually I’d politely turn a boy down at that point, but on this particular occasion I figured, why not? I really was just so bored and he is rather good-looking, and you wouldn’t believe the number of times I’ve caught him staring at me when he was supposed to be watching the Quaffle during games and skirmishes. Hah. ‘Keeping an eye on the other players’ my apparently very shapely arse.

      Anyway, I’m sure you can guess what came after that. It was nothing too exciting – it hurt a bit, as I’d expected, but nothing unbearable. And I suppose it was fun enough, though I’m not sure Tony entirely knew what he was supposed to be doing down there, poor lad. Ah, well – with a bit of training I’m sure he wouldn’t be a half-bad partner, but I’m afraid I just don’t have that some sort of patience. Perhaps if he goes and gets a bit more practise, I’ll let him back for another round. One thing I will say, though – Tony may have been lying about Angelica, but he certainly wasn’t lying about his rather generous proportions. I know, I was as surprised as you are. I was actually very impressed. It’s a pity he didn’t know how to use it.

      And before you start acting like Mum, I’ll set your heart at ease – we were entirely safe about it all. You don’t have to worry about being an uncle anytime soon – at least, you don’t have to worry about me making you an uncle. I can’t promise Gabriel’s half as responsible as I am, and I’ve always suspected that Lainey’s personal life is far more interesting than she’d like us to believe. 

      Really, if I’m honest, I don’t see what all the fuss was about. It was hardly a life-changing experience – I’m the same excellent, incomparable Phoebe Bones-Prewett I’ve always been – and I don’t feel as though I’ve missed out on anything by not waiting until marriage or anything frightfully dull like that. If I ever fall head over heels in love with some incredible bloke (and you know he’ll have to be damn incredible to secure my affections, dear brother), this little drunken fumble will hardly detract from the specialness of the consummation of our hypothetical love. Really, I think everybody just takes this whole sex lark far too seriously.

      Darling Gus, you must excuse me – in my rush to tell you all about this exciting new development, I’ve entirely forgotten to ask after you. How are you, brother dear? I hope real life is treating you well. I miss you terribly, and would hate to think that the wonders of the wizarding world are not enough to make up for the pain of our separation. Did Dad end up getting you tickets to the Puddlemere match? If he didn’t, I’m going to have a very strong word with him – I know how much you were looking forward to seeing them play, and it would be just rotten of him to get your hopes up and not follow through.

      I’m sure you know this already, but I’ll be home for the summer in just one short week! As much as I love Hogwarts, words cannot express how excited I am to come home. I’ve missed you, Gus. There are some lovely people here, particularly on the Quidditch teams, but none of them are you, and none of them come anywhere close to filling the hole your absence has left in my life. You are irreplaceable, my darling brother, and I cannot wait to get home and hear all about what you’ve been getting up to in my absence. You had better be there to fetch me from King’s Cross, or there will be hell to pay.

      You know me well enough to understand just how serious I am about that.

      Forever your adoring sister,
            Phoebe Teresa Bones-Prewett
                  10 June 2001

p.s. If Mum asks, I’ve still no idea what a penis is. What is that, some sort of foreign potions ingredient?

p.p.s. If Dad asks, he was a beater, not a chaser. Wouldn’t want him to think his precious baby girl is falling in with the wrong sort.

p.p.p.s. If Hermia asks, be sure to rub it in her face that I got laid before she did
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